Mental Hospital (Trigger-Warning)

I met a girl who had the same name as me. She said I was beautiful and she wanted to be just like me. At first I thought of it (maybe) as a compliment, but I quickly realized it was a dark and twisted thought process. We both had long, dark black hair. With an olive complexion, we had brown eyes and were both rather short. She said she loved the beauty mark above my lip. Once I woke up the next day, I saw her and I said “what’s on your face?” She said “oh that’s a beauty mark I have as well.” Upon closer inspection, I see she shoved a balled up staple to have a beauty mark just like mine. Once I pointed it out to the nurses, they tackled her and she was put in isolation.

Skin, Staples & Bones

I admitted myself because I wasn’t safe on my own.

I was good at hiding it and needed my depression to be shown.

I wasn’t eating and you could see every single one of my bones.

Food was all I could control in my life and it was very much well-known.

My parents did everything they could to try to save me.

It was best for me to be admitted, this we all came to agree.

There was a girl with my same name that I met on my first day,

who said I was beautiful in the most cynical way.

We had a similar complexion and our hair styled with hairspray.

She envied the birthmark above my lip, but I was lost in the message she was trying to convey.

She asked the nurses if we could share a room during my stay.

They said “no we have another room for her and it is right this way.”

They directed me to a grey room and I thought about her while I laid.

It wasn’t until the next morning that we would all see,

Just what she meant when she wanted to match with me.

She shoved a balled up staple into her upper lip and said it was “natural”, but no one agreed.

She was placed in isolation for not one day, but three.

Once she was released, she didn’t do that ever again.

I do get this feeling about my appearance that I can’t quite explain,

Looking in the mirror and thinking of the girl with my same name

And the staple she shoved into her lip even with all of that pain.

I was discharged several weeks after my stay, where they provided me with incredible tools/strategies for my depression. I also met some wonderful people during my stay. Never be ashamed in asking for some help. This was a chapter that greatly helped me in countless ways and improved my quality of life.

One thought on “Mental Hospital (Trigger-Warning)

  1. I read the book The Plant Paradox this past summer. There is a story of a young woman who experienced similar states that you write about in your blog, but when she changed her diet, she found balance in her life. I’ve experienced extremes in my mental state because I am very sensitive to the foods I put in my mouth. Ever since I changed my diet, I haven’t experienced any extremes. Dr. Gundry is the doctor who created the Plant Paradox Diet. He was a famous heart surgeon who had also invented robotic surgical equipment, among many other accomplishments. However, his health was declining, so he researched the cause of the decline. He found that when he and his patients took lectins out of their diet, their health issues went away. Instead of doing multiple heart surgeries on the same person, and providing no lasting result, he gave up the lucrative heart surgery and started teaching people how to eat for long-term health. Before I went on the diet, I experienced extreme mood shifts, acne, abdominal pain, difficulty digesting food, bumps on my body, debilitating cramping during my cycle, neck pain, teeth pain, back pain, bone sensitivity, low energy. . .I even had trouble walking at one point because my achilles tendon felt like it would snap at any moment. I’m sharing all of this information because this diet has given me my best self back. Anything that can help someone live their life with more ease is worth sharing. Someone shared the book with me, so now I’m paying it forward.

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